Sometimes, we find we’re partying more than we’d like to, and we may choose to take a break from PnP. This can be a big challenge, especially if having sex with drugs has been the norm recently. Having sex without drugs can be anxiety inducing at first, but not to worry, check out these tips and tricks below for some supports on managing the transition to sober sex.
Some Disclaimers…
To start, it’s important to think about how sober sex might feel different than what you’re used to. Sex on crystal involves the release of a ton of dopamine, the ‘feel good’ chemical – removing the crystal from this equation can make sober sex feel boring, and less pleasurable in comparison, but there a number of ways to keep things interesting that we’ll discuss later. It’s also important to think about how where you’re having sex, and who you’re having sex with might look different moving forward. Going to the baths, to certain parties, or connecting with guys on the apps might trigger cravings, so it might be best to avoid these settings until you feel prepared to manage cravings.
Time to Reflect
It’s equally as important to reflect on your relationship with sex and drugs. It might be helpful to ask yourself questions like, right now, am I able to have sober sex? Since when has having sober sex been a challenge for me? Are there any preconceived notions about the sex that I’m having, my sexuality, or my attractiveness that are influencing my comfort around sober sex? Asking yourself these questions positions you to reflect on what has worked well for you in the past, and to pinpoint whether any factors make it difficult for you to have sober sex so that you can work through them with a friend, partner, or healthcare provider. Also, reflecting on your motivations for wanting to transition to sober sex can help frame your goal, and encourage you to continue working towards it even when cravings come up.
Build Your Toolkit
The final step is to build your toolkit, keeping in mind that creating new forms of connection, intimacy, and pleasure are central to having fulfilling sober sex. You can build your toolkit on your own, with a friend or a peer, or alongside a healthcare provider. It’s useful to start by thinking about the last time you had sober sex, and in that situation, what worked well to support you in having sex without drugs. Keep mental or physical notes of those factors and look to introduce them into your social life and sex life. Next, reflect on what types of porn, or which forms of masturbation provide you pleasure when you’re sober. As well, think about which factors beyond drugs make sex intense for you – this could be kinks that really get you going, or a setting where sex feels especially pleasurable. Stick to the porn and masturbation that really gets you off and keep things interesting by leaning into some of those kinks and fantasies. Sober sex might look different, but with these tricks, it can still feel just as good as sex at the party.
Check out our videos where Dylan chats about his journey with shifting towards sober sex, and Vincent Francoeur & Dr. Tim Guimond offer suggestions for navigating sober sex and managing cravings.
